Separating Issues from Personality

If I were to project myself like a film in a cinema, what could people possibly see on the screen about me? Definitely many images. Perhaps images of me as a goal-getter, a devote, an engineer, an adventurer, a youthful person, a father/husband, a gardener, an orator, an academician, a traveller, an artist, a mechanic, a lover of sport, lover of science & astronomy, a social drinker, artistic, loves women, fashionista, a perfectionist, a biker, a writer and many other images could emerge. If I were to give people the chance for a feedback as to how they find me in each of these projected frames, what could they likely come up with? Maybe something like, “he is wonderful guy”, “he is a good solution architect”, “I guess he is a good father”, “what nasty & proud fellow”, “he certainly must be good at some sport”, “he is down to earth”, “come on, he is an atheist”, “he is just way too boring”, “he must be a womanizer”, “I cannot relate his love for motorcycles to astronomy”, “he loves to interact that's why he must love women”, “he is a freak”, “he is just a crazy guy”, “he is just ambidextrous”, “he is just bizarre”….and many more could be said. But are these the true reflection of who I truly am?


People interact with one’s projected images in many different ways; while you are something to someone, it is possible that at the same instant be something completely different to another. In all, people need something tangible about you to form their opinion. It is cheap, but that's how it is easy for humans to “know” one another, by relating someone to an attribute, behavior or an habit. It is a never ending process, and humans will do anything to form their own opinion regardless of who or what you claim to be. Why? Because the human mind can't keep exploring and changing images of you on each and every occasion - they need something relatively fix and “soothing” to dwell upon. And would maintain one image (or perhaps two), from which every of your actions and in-actions towards them can be well placed. It is from these the difficulties of us dealing with people's perception of us and at the same time dealing with the problem we face with them and how they deal separate issues in relation to our personalities emanates from.


It is a daunting task and requires a special skill for someone to know you for  something perceived negative and choose to relate with you as something else in a positive manner. In an extreme case for instance, how could you relate with someone you know as a frequent visitor to a brothel and at the same time relate to them as a good man? Or, how can you substantiate that a sex worker cannot also be a good priest, and still be willing to receive the holy communion from them? The fact remains it is near impossible to accept such a person without any form of prejudice. The image you have of them would definitely interfere with how you relate with them on other levels. The dilemma is in the fact that you are aware, you have an information stored up about who they are. There's a specific image you are relating with (while oblivious of so many others). If you were not aware, certainly you will relate with them much more differently. While this may sound abstruse, this is the reality. 


Society has a set pattern in dealing with issues, society is a reflection of who we are. So our mannerism is society. The moral clause held by society does not tolerate that someone who is profane can as well be infallible. Therefore, it lies on oneself to keep all manner of one's so called “profanity” hidden and secretive from the prying eyes of society, because you don't want to be adjudged a treatment that cast aspersions to your true personality - the real you; or in other words, you don't want people to assume something different from their fixated image of you. What then is the someone’s true personality? Given that we want to know how to separate issues from personalities. Using the sex worker example as a narrative, let's explore some possibilities: Can a sex worker be a good friend? A good mother? An author? An affectionate fellow? A caregiver? A wonderful musician? A good dancer? A computer specialist? An inventor? A fashion designer? If your answer to these, is Yes; then the possibilities of knowing and dealing with people on different levels (by separating the issues in the lives from their innate personality) is equally endless. Issues are issues. Behaviors are not issues. Issues are static, and individual differences are dynamic. Let's assume the sex worker is known only to you as a trusted ally, or more homely, your most esteemed fashion designer would you be swayed by any contrary information as to the person's image or personality? Absolutely not! Thus it suffices to say fixation on one particular frame or on one particular personality trait without being aware of others and the expression of others have in relation to that person would only keep one in the dark. The truth is people show you the areas of their lives they want you to see. To break out of the cycle, is to get to know (by interaction) who the person is, what else does the person do, what do they have a passion for, what are other people's views about them. When you do this, you delve deeper to see them ‘fully’ through others eyes. And at the same time exploring how to balance dealing with their true personality when you have got some personal problems with them.


You will remember that major conglomerates spend billions of dollars annually to keep their public image intact. If they are publicly known for "quality and excellence", they want to remain as such even though we know some of their products are detrimental to health and to the environment. Not all people have the largess of controlling people's perception of them by doling out money to cooperate brand/image managers. Most people live on the goodwill they strive for. We want to maintain a good image, but then we don't want to lose out on other things we love doing even though it doesn't go down well with a large section of people. Could I be having a drink with my friends in a bar or in a club, and someone who knows me as clergyman still advocate for me as a saint? Or a woman who models for Victoria Secret and someone who knows her as a civil servant still advocate for are as a diligent mother and a good manager? Really, it all boils down on how much room we can make in our minds to accommodate the odds to fit into our preconceived knowledge and yet not become schizophrenic.